I had a choice of washing my hair this morning or writing a post....guess which one won out.
I've had a troubled heart lately. For the past few weeks I've felt irritable and overwhelmed. When it boils down to it, I am feeling like I've got so much to do and so many roles to play, that I am doing a half-way job at all of them. I feel like I can't and don't give 100% to anything because I'm having to do give a little to everything. Does that make sense? And I hate this feeling. I want to be able to always feel like I am doing my best and playing each role of my life to the very best of my God-given abilities. Now please don't get me wrong, I definitely realize that there are many women (probably most women) who have way more duties and roles in their lives than I do. This in turn, adds to my thinking as to why I feel like I can't handle the few that I have sometimes. I don't feel this way all the time, but as of lately this is what I've been struggling with.
It's almost like a guilty feeling, like I'm shorting the people in my lives. I try to do my best when I teach, when I'm at home being a homemaker and wife, mother, daughter, friend, etc. I know there's a sarcastic remark that would fit right here perfectly, like "Welcome to the real world!" And I do realize that everyone has different roles in life and many have more than me, but for some reason I feel like I'm not doing mine justice. At the end of the day, I look back and feel dissatisfied with what I've accomplished or failed to accomplish.
Sometimes I feel more like a duck: calm, cool, and collected on top, but kicking like heck underneath just to stay afloat.
I lay in bed lately making to-do lists about to-do lists. My mind races with what I should be doing, things I should have gotten done that day.
When it all boils down to it, I realize it all has to do with worrying, which humbling enough, shows lack of faith. Ouch, that's a hard pill to swallow. I mean, who am I to think that what I do even matters when compared my Lord and Savior? There are times I feel so close to God and times when I feel a bit distant. I've been praying lately that He would just fill me with a peace, His peace. And that he'd give me an assurance that I AM in fact giving everything my all, but that giving your all doesn't equal perfection.
I wonder if I'm the only one who feels this way sometimes. How do you handle all of the roles in your life and feel like your giving 100% to each of them?
Here are a few verses that I've been reading lately.
And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.
Peace I leave with you, my peace I give unto you: not as the world giveth, give I unto you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid.
Now the Lord of peace himself give you peace always by all means...
-2 Thessalonians 3:16
Thou art my hiding place; thou shalt preserve me from trouble; thou shalt compass me about with songs of deliverance.
And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose.
Thanks for listening. Hope you all have a great, peace-filled day.
23 hours ago