Wednesday, October 1, 2008

Duck

I had a choice of washing my hair this morning or writing a post....guess which one won out.

I've had a troubled heart lately. For the past few weeks I've felt irritable and overwhelmed. When it boils down to it, I am feeling like I've got so much to do and so many roles to play, that I am doing a half-way job at all of them. I feel like I can't and don't give 100% to anything because I'm having to do give a little to everything. Does that make sense? And I hate this feeling. I want to be able to always feel like I am doing my best and playing each role of my life to the very best of my God-given abilities. Now please don't get me wrong, I definitely realize that there are many women (probably most women) who have way more duties and roles in their lives than I do. This in turn, adds to my thinking as to why I feel like I can't handle the few that I have sometimes. I don't feel this way all the time, but as of lately this is what I've been struggling with.

It's almost like a guilty feeling, like I'm shorting the people in my lives. I try to do my best when I teach, when I'm at home being a homemaker and wife, mother, daughter, friend, etc. I know there's a sarcastic remark that would fit right here perfectly, like "Welcome to the real world!" And I do realize that everyone has different roles in life and many have more than me, but for some reason I feel like I'm not doing mine justice. At the end of the day, I look back and feel dissatisfied with what I've accomplished or failed to accomplish.
Sometimes I feel more like a duck: calm, cool, and collected on top, but kicking like heck underneath just to stay afloat.
I lay in bed lately making to-do lists about to-do lists. My mind races with what I should be doing, things I should have gotten done that day.
When it all boils down to it, I realize it all has to do with worrying, which humbling enough, shows lack of faith. Ouch, that's a hard pill to swallow. I mean, who am I to think that what I do even matters when compared my Lord and Savior? There are times I feel so close to God and times when I feel a bit distant. I've been praying lately that He would just fill me with a peace, His peace. And that he'd give me an assurance that I AM in fact giving everything my all, but that giving your all doesn't equal perfection.
I wonder if I'm the only one who feels this way sometimes. How do you handle all of the roles in your life and feel like your giving 100% to each of them?

Here are a few verses that I've been reading lately.

And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.
-Philippians 4:7

Peace I leave with you, my peace I give unto you: not as the world giveth, give I unto you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid.
-John 14:27

Now the Lord of peace himself give you peace always by all means...
-2 Thessalonians 3:16

Thou art my hiding place; thou shalt preserve me from trouble; thou shalt compass me about with songs of deliverance.
-Psalm 32:7

And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose.
-Romans 8:28

Thanks for listening. Hope you all have a great, peace-filled day.


24 comments:

Nobody You Know said...

Hollie, you know all the answers and all the responses you're about to get, but I know it can make all the difference in the world to just get that validation.

Women are people pleasures. Sometimes we just allow ourselves to become drained. Take a break from some of your roles that don't have to be done. You'll feel refreshed and ready to go.

It always motivates me to go to a friend's house who has it all together (for that moment anyway) then I want to run home and get my house and life back in order.

I happen to be "on" right now, but oh girl, two weeks ago, I couldn't have been more "off".

Rebecca Taylor said...

I feel the same way you do! I am only working part time right now, so I feel like I have NO excuse to not have everything perfectly together. I don't. It's so frustrating to feel like you can't get on top of things and give everything 100%.

I know it sounds stupid, but one thing that helps me is to make an agenda instead of a to-do list. Literally write out a schedule for your day. 5:15-5:20 -- unload dishwasher, 5:20-6:00 -- make dinner, etc. It feels really silly, but it actually works for me! I hope that helps!

Heather said...

I loved this post. I feel the same way so often.

Mojito Maven said...

DITTO! I am also like rebecca where I make lists with times on it...it really helps me stay on track!!

P.S. You look BEAUTIFUL in the picture on your sidebar!!

Shannon said...

Completely understand. Sometimes I don't think there is enough time in the day to get all things done, and done right. So, instead... I decide what I CAN do 100% (and what would make me feel completely happy) and what I'll be happy with if I only give it say... 50%. If that makes sense.

I guess I'm saying...Prioritize. That's probably not spelled right.

Besides, I'm sure the people in your life think you're doing a dang good job!

Legallyblondemel said...

I'll be thinking of you. I absolutely have felt the same way over the last few weeks, and I have a relatively stress-free, child-free existence compared to most. It is helpful to see someone talk about it as frankly as you do here - thank you.

sal gal said...

always my little perfectionist!
i love you! you're awesome at everything you do.

from the master of the 'to-do list': let it go!!

Pam1. said...

Hollie, This is coming from someone who has 5 kids at home. I know EXACTLY how you feel! Feel good about the fact that you get some things done. The others can just wait. Kate will grow up so dang fast, you will soon be wishing she was a baby again! I love you! :)

Naturally Caffeinated Family said...

I'm with you and pretty much feel, all the time, like I can be doing more! If you actually think of what you have accomplished in any given day, even if it is only giving Kate and Matt some hugs and kisses, you've had a great day. You are taking care of your family more than you think. and doing a great job too!

Rachel said...

I feel your pain! I have been so busy lately, I feel out of control. Thanks for the verses, I needed them =).

A Belle and her Beau said...

thanks for sharing! I have a really hard time with worry as well, like a REALLY REALLY hard time. Prayer works everytime :)

Lianna Knight said...

I totally agree with you! I think sometimes that TEACHERS have more hats than others---I'm of coursed bias because education is my career too---but being a teacher adds counselor, mother, role model, nurse, mentor, disciplinarian...need I say more!!

Hang in there and know you blog friends are praying for you too!

Kristen said...

Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. Phil 4:16
I often feel the way you do! My mom recently shared the above verse with me on a day I was venting to her about this very thing!
Repeating God's word and realizing I'm only one person is what get's me through those times!
May God bless you with His perfect peace today!

Amanda-The Family News! said...

I completely understand where you are coming from. It is very tough at times. hang in there...

Jenn said...

Oh girl, I can remember those feelings. Very overwhelming. I think an important thing to remember is that you can say no sometimes and that you don't have to do it all.

And the things you have to do, give them your best, no matter what that 'best' looks like. I think sitting in the peace that passes all understanding too is a great place to be.

Cooper said...

I often felt like that same way until god gave our family a wake up call. I was diagnosed with a brain tumor and realized my life had to slow down and I needed to enjoy every moment. Those "to do" list went away it will all get done. I enjoy my child my husband and the new baby we were blessed to be carring in the middle of such a tough time. God is great and he will take care of you. Just slow down and enjoy the blessings you already have in front of you.
BTW I read your blog often and I just love your stories and relate. I couldn't pass up commenting on this one.
God Bless.

Angela said...

Hollie,

I found your blog from G.R.I.T.S. and I absolutely LOVE IT! I've spent the last little while reading all of your most recent posts.
I understand feeling overwhelmed with life. I feel like that a lot of times, too. It's even more difficult when you want to cut things back but you don't know where to start. It really sounds like you're looking in the right direction, though -- meaning TO GOD -- to give you strength to deal with it all.

Angela

P.s. if you leave me a comment on my blog saying it's okay, I'd like to add you to my blog list.
angelas-notes.blogspot.com

Naturally Caffeinated Family said...

Hey Hollie! Can you send me your e-mail so I can put you down who refered me for the grocery game??
feltsfamily7atyahoodotcom I'm praying for you!

Anonymous said...

I have been struggling with these same feelings. This post brought tears to my eyes. I found your blog reading another blog. The Lord knew I needed to read this today.

Anonymous said...

I just found your blog and I am so glad that I did - I love your blog! I spent all morning reading your past blogs (ssshh, don't tell my boss). I think we can all relate to how you are feeling so don't think you are alone. I look forward to reading your blog daily!
Stacie

Rebecca Jo said...

You are not alone! I think everyone goes through that! Feeling overwhelmed CAN be a tool of Satan so I'm so glad to see you searching the Scriptures for answers instead of throwing your hands up & giving up!!!

Hang in there - you are a fantastic creation of God!!

seanna said...

i love your blog. LOVE.IT.

hang in there with your rough time...it's the beautiful and terrible thing about our faith, being refined in the valleys.

~Mrs. Guru~ said...

Oh, love your blog! I have been feeling this way as well. So you are not alone!!

madre' said...

And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.
-Philippians 4:7


When I can pray nothing else for a hurting person .......this is my prayer for them.