Well, I walked away from my glucose tolerance test unscathed. But not without jumping through a few hoops.
For starters, as most of you know, you have to go without food before having this test done. Problem numero uno. This chick doesn't do well without food, pregnant or not.
Problem number two: After drinking the sugary liquid, I head back to the waiting room only to find that this is what they're coming at me with:
This, my friends, is the supply of reading materials I was working with.
My only thoughts were, "You're telling me I gotta sit in this waiting room for an hour and the best you've got to offer me is Seniors Guide?! Are you kiddin' me?!" I mean technically yes, I could use a few tips on where to get the biggest bang for my buck on elastic pants right about now. But that's beside the point. Stay with me.
So by the time they called for me to come back for the blood-drawing portion of my appointment, I was only about two articles short of being an expert on all things geriatric.
As I sat down and rolled my sleeve, the phlebotomist kept sniffing, sneezing and rubbing her eyes. "Sinuses," she says. "I promise I'm not contagious."
"No problem," I reply. I can deal with sinuses.
Just as she's getting all of her supplies lined up and ready to go, she starts complaining of how tired she was. And then I notice her doing a quick mathematical problem....on her fingers.
"It's way too early for me to be doing math....or to be a work for that matter." And then she laughs. Because we all know, or at least hope, a laugh takes the severity of an inappropriate statement down a few notches.
Okay now I start feeling a little uneasy. For starters, it's 9:45am. I don't think you can officially call that 'early'. Secondly, why are you telling me this? Thirdly, you better get your act together Sister, and I mean quick, fast, and in a hurry - because you're holding a needle, and my arm is your playground.
I actually turned my head, closed my eyes and prepared for the worse, but surprisingly she did a fine job. It didn't hurt any more than it normally does and I was outta there as fast as I could pull my sleeve down and give her a quick, "Thanks, have a good day."
On my way back to work I made a quick stop at Wal-mart for some more Palmer's Tummy Butter. Fifteen short minutes later I was heading out with four bags full of snacks. Never ever send a pregnant woman who has fasted since the night before into Wal-mart and think she'll come out with only Tummy Butter.
Oh, and I found a way to eat dessert for breakfast.
It claims that you can eat it as part of a tasty balanced breakfast.
I believe the tasty part. As far as balanced......I'm not so sure. But hey, it says it is, so I'm going with it. Besides, it's delicious times ten.
10 hours ago