The Animal Kingdom Has It Out For Me

Today I just about got taken out by a goat.


I'll let you sit and ponder that one for a while...


There I was just minding my own business, driving home from work, when out of nowhere a random goat darted out in front of me in a spastic attempt at crossing the two-lane road that I travel daily. The best part? I'm almost positive it had on a collar. A red one. Which leads me to believe it belonged to someone and that it wasn't 'wild'. Nonetheless, it woke me out of my mental to-do list pretty quickly. And on a side note, have you ever seen a goat run? I mean really go at it? It. is. hilarious. It in no way, shape, or form looks natural. It looks like what I used to picture myself looking like when I used to run track in high school. I always pictured myself looking pretty dang awkward.

This wasn't my first animal encounter of sorts. I feel like I'm living my own personal episode of "When Animals Attack". Over the summer, while on my evening run, down my routine running route, a chicken frantically darted out of the bushes in front of me and I had to hurdle it, Olympic hurdler-style. Except I was way less graceful. I about bit the dust. A few quick, yet clumsy stutter steps saved me from losing my front teeth to the concrete. I actually felt the chicken's feathers flap on my thigh.

Only in my town would this kind of stuff happen. Listen. I love the south and I love the country, but dang. I've gotta draw the line somewhere. And can we preferably make the line somewhere between the animals and me?