I had about four paragraphs and was actually doing one of my few and far between serious posts when he comes in from outside holding a pan full of charred ribs. His mother gave him a meat smoker for Christmas and it has become his new passion in life. He's always smoking something and while it helps out with the cooking, I'm starting to get a little tired of arriving at my destinations smelling like I just got off a long lunch-shift at Sonny's BBQ. So as I was finishing up my post he wanted me to look at the burnt mounds of what used to be ribs. I politely
And that's when I looked down and noticed that every single word on my page had been deleted except for a single little 'a'. I hoped it had been previously saved but had no luck. I got a little frustrated and had no desire to retype it all. So, long story long, that's what happened.
My original post was on being faithful. Over the past couple weeks I've been really thinking about faithfulness and how I want my loved ones (especially Kate) to find me faithful. I want her to think of me as someone who loves the Lord with all my heart, soul, and mind. And not because I just tell her that I do, but because she sees it in me. Some people call it their legacy, as in what type of legacy do you want to leave behind? Thoughts like this have filled my head and heart lately.
It's been said that God speaks to us in echoes, like a repeated theme or topic that somehow keeps coming up. It'll be in your thoughts and then maybe you'll hear a song about, or it will come up again in a conversation with a friend, or a sermon may touch on it. That's happened to me recently. And then last Sunday our music leader sang Steve Green's "Find Us Faithful" during our morning service. It was the perfect song. The lyrics sum up every thought that's been running through my head lately.
Becoming a mother has changed me in ways I didn't really expect. I mean, I totally expected the unfortunate physical changes and even anticipated becoming more emotional (or maybe I should say hormonal?) but it's also made me start caring about the impact I have on others and whether it's positive or negative. To be completely honest, I'm not sure I ever thought of or cared what people would say about me after I was long gone, but now I think about it and realize that it IS important. I want Kate to be proud to have me as her mommy...and not just because I have a unique ability to make most nursery rhymes sound like 80's-style rap songs, or because I let her dump the entire bag of cereal all over the kitchen floor, but because I have a genuine love for the Lord that she sees through my daily living.
So here I am with this goal that seems kind of far away. I mean, I find myself going to God with the same ol' sins. "It's me again God... " And I know I fail miserably at always being faithful. But it is my desire that when I do lack faith, or when I am quick to make the entirely wrong decision, that Kate sees me handle it in prayer and seeking God's guidance. I want to be a living example for her to not only look up but also to learn from because I know that I'll always make mistakes, but it's how I handle them that she's going to be watching.
Rhonda, the host of LNO, talked about several topics last night. And while the majority of the topics are on parenting, I found myself learning about things I need to work on within myself just as much as with Kate. I cannot expect things from Kate before I expect them of myself.
She also spoke about dealing with hard situations (such as job loss, etc) with your children. Use those situations as opportunities for your children to see God at work. "Let's see what God's going to do!" We know that He is working all things for our good. We know it. We just need to believe, accept it, and live it already! Now that is good news! It goes back to having faith. Something I need to continually work on.
Rhonda is part of an online ministry and I found out last night that anyone who wants to tune in and listen to our LNO sessions online can do so just by going to the website! I'm running late this morning (when am I not?!) but will try to post the link today. I am so excited at the thought that some of you may join us next time!
Here's a few of my favorite lyrics from Find Us Faithful:
Let us run the race not only for the prize
But as those who've gone before us
Let us leave to those behind us
The heritage of faithfulness
Passed on through godly lives
Oh may all who come behind us find us faithful
May the fire of our devotion light their way
May the foootprints that we leave
Lead them to believe
And the lives we live inspire them to obey
Oh may all who come behind us find us faithful
After all our hopes and dreams have come and gone
And our children sift through all we've left behind
May the clues that they discover
And the memories they uncover
Become the light that leads them
To the road we each must find
Oh my all who come behind us find us faithful
Where's Waldo? Oh wait. That's me.
L to R: Jobeth, Abbi, Sal Gal, Rhonda, me, Tracey, Kerri