Duck

I had a choice of washing my hair this morning or writing a post....guess which one won out.

I've had a troubled heart lately. For the past few weeks I've felt irritable and overwhelmed. When it boils down to it, I am feeling like I've got so much to do and so many roles to play, that I am doing a half-way job at all of them. I feel like I can't and don't give 100% to anything because I'm having to do give a little to everything. Does that make sense? And I hate this feeling. I want to be able to always feel like I am doing my best and playing each role of my life to the very best of my God-given abilities. Now please don't get me wrong, I definitely realize that there are many women (probably most women) who have way more duties and roles in their lives than I do. This in turn, adds to my thinking as to why I feel like I can't handle the few that I have sometimes. I don't feel this way all the time, but as of lately this is what I've been struggling with.

It's almost like a guilty feeling, like I'm shorting the people in my lives. I try to do my best when I teach, when I'm at home being a homemaker and wife, mother, daughter, friend, etc. I know there's a sarcastic remark that would fit right here perfectly, like "Welcome to the real world!" And I do realize that everyone has different roles in life and many have more than me, but for some reason I feel like I'm not doing mine justice. At the end of the day, I look back and feel dissatisfied with what I've accomplished or failed to accomplish.
Sometimes I feel more like a duck: calm, cool, and collected on top, but kicking like heck underneath just to stay afloat.
I lay in bed lately making to-do lists about to-do lists. My mind races with what I should be doing, things I should have gotten done that day.
When it all boils down to it, I realize it all has to do with worrying, which humbling enough, shows lack of faith. Ouch, that's a hard pill to swallow. I mean, who am I to think that what I do even matters when compared my Lord and Savior? There are times I feel so close to God and times when I feel a bit distant. I've been praying lately that He would just fill me with a peace, His peace. And that he'd give me an assurance that I AM in fact giving everything my all, but that giving your all doesn't equal perfection.
I wonder if I'm the only one who feels this way sometimes. How do you handle all of the roles in your life and feel like your giving 100% to each of them?

Here are a few verses that I've been reading lately.

And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.
-Philippians 4:7

Peace I leave with you, my peace I give unto you: not as the world giveth, give I unto you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid.
-John 14:27

Now the Lord of peace himself give you peace always by all means...
-2 Thessalonians 3:16

Thou art my hiding place; thou shalt preserve me from trouble; thou shalt compass me about with songs of deliverance.
-Psalm 32:7

And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose.
-Romans 8:28

Thanks for listening. Hope you all have a great, peace-filled day.